Punxutawney Phil Sees Shadow of Three More Years, Attempts Suicide

Punxultawney Phil, the famous ground hog from Pennsylvania, comes out every February 2 to look for his shadow.  If he sees his shadow, it means spring will be early.  If he doesn't, winter will continue for another six weeks.

Puxultawney Phil came out early this morning and saw the shadow of trillions of dollars in Obama debt.  When told Obama would be in office another three years, Phil uncorked a large bottle of whiskey, took a big swig and commandeered a car to make his escape.

"But wait, what about winter?" someone shouted from the crowd.  Phil grunted, "STFU" and left in a Huff, which is one of those new green cars imported from Europe.  In olden days, Phil would have left in a red pickup truck, led police on a wild chase, and driven off a cliff.  Where's Bill Murray when you need him?