Dust In The Wind

10:50 PM – I am still in a blue funk over the deaths of my dog Kodi and the murder of Charlie Kirk.  It’s like a constant form of mental fatigue.  I don’t want to do anything, I don’t much care about anything.  Do the dead know that they are dead?  Do they know what happened to them?  Where are they now?

 I remember back in 1970 when my mother-in-law died of cancer. I was attending night classes at San Jose State.  As I walked along the dark campus, I looked at a street light and saw that its brilliance seemed to be swimming in my tears, and I asked “Mama, where are you?”  I grieved over her now permanent absence from my life, through natural forces that I could neither understand nor control.

Tonight I feel the same sorrow for Kodi, my dog.  Maybe there is no afterlife for dogs or even humans.  Maybe Kodi is nothing more now than dust in the wind.  If that be true, I want to be with him wherever and however he is.  If he is just dust in the wind, then I want to be dust in the wind with him.  Eventually, I mean.

However, I have no intention of speeding up the process, so do not worry about that.  I will live my life as long as God or nature dictates.