Zionist Conspiracy Meeting Tomorrow

All members of the Gefilte Fish Chapter of the Zionist Conspiracy should remember that there will be a regular monthly meeting at my house tomorrow at 1 PM. Please bring your bound copies of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, you will need them for the open-book test.

Rabbi Yarmaluke will be bringing homemade Motzo balls for a snack, made by his lovely wife. Dress comfortably, skull-caps are optional. Remember, guests to our meetings must be approved in advance, unless they are international bankers, who are always welcome without preapproval.

After the open-book test, there will be a free-ranging discussion on how the Goyim are on to us and what we should do about it. It has recently been pointed out by highly astute websites that we Jews are in control of everything in our efforts to take over the world. We control the White Supremacist groups and websites; we control the Radical Muslim groups and websites; we control the Democrats and we control the Republicans. Wherever in the world there is strife and conflict, we, of course, control both sides. That way, no matter who wins, we win! There's method to our madness, so to speak. Soon the entire world will be Jewish and forced to eat chicken soup and bagels and watch endless reruns of "Fiddler on the Roof." The world will be a better place for it.

Some say we must stop those who would expose our nefarious schemes. They say that our latest gambit, promoting secret Zionist agent Ron Paul, is in danger of exposure. Frantic members of the ZC have been phoning me to complain about this astute anti-Zionist website. "He's about to pull the plug on our international Zionist Conspiracy!" they moan.

Not to worry, fellow conspiracists. The blogger is one of us. His website too, is part of our international Zionist Conspiracy. We are so good at controlling everything, we now control the anti-Zionists as well as the Zionists. Think about it. At first blush, his website seems crazy, ludicrous and terribly paranoid. But that's exactly what the ZC and the Elders want people to believe: that those who expose our massive conspiracy are simply harmless nut-cases, to be laughed at and forgotten. Then the Conspiracy will be safe from exposure.

I tell you, fellow Jews, we have all the angles figured out, all the bases covered. Soon all the Goyim in the world will be snacking on Gefilte fish and singing along to Fiddler: "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match! Dum de dum de dum dum dum."

And since we have bought the world rights to the Fiddler reruns and have cornered the market on Gefilte fish, we will be rich beyond our wildest dreams! Ha haaa haaaa! (Cough).

Sorry, I need to practice my evil laugh more but I have a scratchy throat. Where is my wife? Where is that chicken soup? Zelda!! Come here!!