Faith in God. Need it, Don’t Have It.

When I was 19, I camped out at a beach near Santa Cruz, California.  There was a blue tide that night, where the incoming whitecaps weren’t white, but a glowing neon blue.  The sea was full of dinoflagellates, microorganisms that glow blue.  It was eerily beautiful, and walking on the wet sand caused a flurry of blue sparkles around each footstep.

I sat down and watched the incoming waves and was suddenly hit with a powerful mystical experience.  My mind expanded, I felt a oneness with all of nature, and realized that there is no death.  I never felt closer to God than I did at that moment.  

I wish I could recapture the spirituality that I gleaned that night on the beach.  I need it, as I feel that my connection with the Divine has been seriously eroded from many traumatic events in the years since.  I pray but do not feel that I am heard.