The mainstream news this morning is all atwitter with Bush's gaffes at welcoming the Queen of England to Washington. He implied that she was 200 years old (she couldn't be a day over 150) and winked at her, causing her to give him a "frosty glare."
We always hear this crap whenever the Royals visit the Colonies, of how gauche we all are for failing to know the intricate details of how to treat the Queen. Oh well, it isn't as bad as when Jimmie Carter kissed the Queen Mother on the mouth. Now that really was gauche. But I digress.
We always hear this crap whenever the Royals visit the Colonies, of how gauche we all are for failing to know the intricate details of how to treat the Queen. Oh well, it isn't as bad as when Jimmie Carter kissed the Queen Mother on the mouth. Now that really was gauche. But I digress.
..
Yes, we hicks in the States don't know whether to bow, kiss the Queen's hand, shake her hand, or dance a jig in order to greet Her Majesty. You might think that someone in the State Department would look these things up on Wikepedia or something and give the President some "do's" and "don'ts."
Those might include the following points of etiquette:
1. Don't kiss the Queen on the mouth, but if you must, absolutely no tongue.
2. Don't have the Marines Band play "Turkey In The Straw" to greet the Queen's arrival.
3. Don't wink at the Queen or ask her to play patty cake or play armpit serenades for her amusement.
4. Put the jug of corn squeezin's out of sight until the Queen leaves.
5. Don't let Dick Cheney anywhere near a shotgun while the Queen is present.
6. Don't wear overalls to the State Dinner in the Queen's honor. Wear a tie (a real one, not one of those clip-on bow ties). The tie should preferably be a somber dark blue. Don't wear that green tie with the hula girl on it.
7. Serve a proper meal for the Queen's benefit, preferably something that is easy to eat and doesn't require the use of one's fingers. Forego the usual plate of ribs and chicken wings this one time. Serve wine instead of beer, and use a glass. And remember, absolutely no food fights.
8. Don't brag about that misunderstanding at Bunker Hill. If you do, the Queen might bring up that nastiness about burning down the White House. Let's just not go there.
Well just for the record, I have never been a fan of Royalty. We fought our war of independence to can the whole idea that someone has a right to riches, palaces, great deference and respect simply as an accident of their birth. America is a meritocracy - we believe you should earn your status in life, and not have it conferred upon you. To us, Royalty is about as modern and useful as a suit of armor in the London Museum.
On the other hand, there is no reason to be rude about it. As for the Queen, you go girl.
Those might include the following points of etiquette:
1. Don't kiss the Queen on the mouth, but if you must, absolutely no tongue.
2. Don't have the Marines Band play "Turkey In The Straw" to greet the Queen's arrival.
3. Don't wink at the Queen or ask her to play patty cake or play armpit serenades for her amusement.
4. Put the jug of corn squeezin's out of sight until the Queen leaves.
5. Don't let Dick Cheney anywhere near a shotgun while the Queen is present.
6. Don't wear overalls to the State Dinner in the Queen's honor. Wear a tie (a real one, not one of those clip-on bow ties). The tie should preferably be a somber dark blue. Don't wear that green tie with the hula girl on it.
7. Serve a proper meal for the Queen's benefit, preferably something that is easy to eat and doesn't require the use of one's fingers. Forego the usual plate of ribs and chicken wings this one time. Serve wine instead of beer, and use a glass. And remember, absolutely no food fights.
8. Don't brag about that misunderstanding at Bunker Hill. If you do, the Queen might bring up that nastiness about burning down the White House. Let's just not go there.
Well just for the record, I have never been a fan of Royalty. We fought our war of independence to can the whole idea that someone has a right to riches, palaces, great deference and respect simply as an accident of their birth. America is a meritocracy - we believe you should earn your status in life, and not have it conferred upon you. To us, Royalty is about as modern and useful as a suit of armor in the London Museum.
On the other hand, there is no reason to be rude about it. As for the Queen, you go girl.
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