Disposal Guide for the Holy Qur'an

Stogie's Guide to Proper Qur'an Disposal

Lately there has been a lot of confusion on the proper way to dispose of a copy of the Holy Qur'an. You may need to dispose of it because it is worn out, because your mom doesn't allow racist hate literature in the house, or because you want to show this holy document the deep respect it so richly deserves. Whatever the reason, you should learn proper disposal techniques.

DO NOT, and we mean don't, dispose of your Qur'an by flushing it down the toilet. A toilet is engineered to flush a normal amount of human waste, but a Qur'an is more shit than it can take. You are liable to damage your plumbing and stop up your toilet. You might also be arrested for polluting the environment.

The preferred way of disposing of a Holy Qur'an is to cram it into a hole, hence the name "Holy" Qur'an. And we do mean "Wholly," as in "wholly shoved up his ass."

First, obtain a Muslim terrorist, preferably one who is considered high profile. If you are on a tight budget and unable to obtain a high profile Muslim terrorist, a member of C.A.I.R. or a liberal college professor will do in a pinch.

Next, bend the terrorist over a desk and pants him. Finally, cram the Holy Qur'an up his ass, preferably sideways. Keep pushing until the Qur'an disappears from view. (If the Qur'an recipient is a member of C.A.I.R., his ass may be too tight and require lubrication. We recommend pork lard for this purpose.)

The end result (and boy, we do mean "end" result) is that you will have disposed of racist hate literature while filling a Muslim holy man with the enlightenment of the Holy Qur'an.

This is a win-win situation which will certainly increase understanding between Muslims and Westerners.

Stay tuned for more helpful multicultural tips from your favorite neighborhood stogiemeister.