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Puxultawney Phil came out early this morning and saw the shadow of trillions of dollars in Obama debt. When told Obama would be in office another three years, Phil uncorked a large bottle of whiskey, took a big swig and commandeered a car to make his escape.
"But wait, what about winter?" someone shouted from the crowd. Phil grunted, "STFU" and left in a Huff, which is one of those new green cars imported from Europe. In olden days, Phil would have left in a red pickup truck, led police on a wild chase, and driven off a cliff. Where's Bill Murray when you need him?
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