This just in...all economic trends are UP! Obama's wise policies are working! Here are the facts:
1. Unemployment is decreasing!
Of course, that's because many former unemployed have committed suicide. The rest are now serving burgers at McDonalds, delivering newspapers or digging ditches.
2. Homelessness is declining!
Thousands of the formerly homeless have found homes under freeway overpasses or have frozen to death.
3. America is finally at peace with the Islamic world!
Or at least it will be just as soon as Obama signs the surrender documents.
4. Americans are coming together like never before!
It's massive rioting as Americans attempt to strangle each other.
5. America has finally solved the energy crisis!
We no longer need energy now that all industrial activity has ceased.
6. We have finally wiped out hunger in America!
We are eagerly awaiting the next shipment of Soylent Green.