Tiger Woods's Wife Is Leaving Him -- Just Before Christmas

I was afraid it would come to this.  Fox News is reporting that Tiger Woods's wife, Elin Nordegren, is moving out of their Florida mansion and returning to Sweden with the children.  Tiger is not going with them.

Read it all here.

Sunday Roundup: Copenhagen, Tiger Woods, Barack Obama and the Price of Tea in China

Copenhagen:  So what's up with this Copenhagen thing?  Here it is in a nutshell:  the world's nations are meeting in Copenhagen, Denmark to agree on global rules for stopping man-made global warming.  There is no man-made global warming, but that won't stop them from creating draconian rules that will suffocate our economy, transfer billions of our hard-earned dollars to third-world countries and severely reduce our economic future and individual freedoms.

Protestors at the Copenhagen meeting are mostly communists who want these severe measures to pass.  They know that these measures are really "socialism by other means."  You think the economy is bad now?  As President Obama once promised, "You ain't seen nothin' yet!"



Tiger Woods:  The world's greatest golfer and most popular athlete shot himself in both feet two weeks ago when his multiple affairs with beautiful women were revealed.  Overnight his lucrative product endorsements disappeared from the airways, his wife is considering divorce, and Tiger's face is red, which isn't easy for a black guy.  On the advice of his wife, Tiger has now withdrawn from professional golf until further notice, or at least until the swelling goes down.  Experts say Tiger will never regain his image as the wholesome, all-American guy, in which case he should change his professional endorsements from razor blades and automobiles to Viagra and Trojans.  Except that Tiger apparently doesn't need the former and didn't use the latter.   Oh well.  We still love ya, Tiger, come back soon.  And put some ice on that.

Barack Obama:  Barack Obama, perhaps the most over-hyped president in American history, has fallen on bad times.  The homeless are now naming their new shanty-towns "Obamavilles," similar to the "Hoovervilles" of the Great Depression.  President Obama vowed to fight the new depression by issuing free cardboard boxes for the homeless to live in, and free downloads of the song "Brother Can You Spare a Dime?"  However, I'm not sittin' on my butt.  My new street corner business, selling apples, is doing great.  I sold two yesterday.  That's me on the left.

In any case, Prez Obama's approval rating continues to fall, with the latest Rasmussen " Presidential Approval Index" standing at negative 19 points.  That is his worst showing so far, but "You ain't seen nothin' yet!"

Price of Tea in China: What is the price of tea in China these days?  Beats the hell out of me.  It's hard to believe, but I don't know everything.

Great News for Tiger Woods: Pee Wee Herman Is BACK!

Pee Wee Herman

Just two days ago I wrote that Tiger Woods's dilemma reminds me of Pee Wee Herman.  Pee Wee Herman, whose real name is Paul Reubens, lost his career a few years ago when he was arrested in a porn theater.  Not a great career move for an actor who starred in a children's TV show.  Like Woods, Reubens fell from the public's grace overnight, the subject of innumerable jokes, derision and deafening peals of derisive laughter.  It wasn't pretty.

HOWEVER, that was a long time ago, and Pee Wee Herman is making a comeback!  Paul Reubens is opening his new stage show "The Pee Wee Herman Show" at the Club Nokia Theater in Los Angeles next month.

Now the only problem is to sell tickets to the show and to convince the audience that the now 57 year old Reubens is still a naughty child named Pee Wee Herman.  Good luck with that.  I hope Reubens pulls it off is a big success.  I always liked the guy.  After that "Tequila" dance scene on the bar in "Pee Wee's Big Adventure," who could not?  Besides, I always root for the underdog, having been one myself most of my life.

Anyway, back to my point.  If Pee Wee Herman can come back after ten years in public exile, so can you Tiger.  On second thought...never mind.

Here's the "Tequila" scene I mentioned earlier for those interested.

Stand By Your Man: Elin Nordenger Will Stick With Hubby Tiger Woods

It's a lot easier to forgive a guy with a billion bucks.  In any case, Fox News is reporting that Elin will stick with Tiger Woods.  I hope so.

Tiger is not a bad guy.  He is, like most men, a little boy in a larger size.  Turn a hungry and unmonitored kid loose in a candy store and he's liable to help himself to the cookie jar.  Hey Tiger, how'd you get all that chocolate on your mouth and face...and hands?  GASP!  YOU DIDN'T!

In any case, what he did was wrong.  If we didn't learn to control our highest emotions, we'd all be in jail...or divorce court.

Below is a video of Tammy Wynette singing "Stand By Your Man, Especially If He's Loaded."  Okay, I just made up the last four words.

Tiger Woods' Unfolding Nightmare

It's amazing how fast a popular personality can descend into public scorn and ridicule.  Tiger Woods made millions of dollars from his golf and product endorsements.  That was when he was the multicultural megastar of sports, young and handsome, with a winning smile and personality and a wholesome image of a husband and father.

Over the last two weeks, it was disclosed that Tiger Woods has been unfaithful to his wife, with as many as 11 known affairs.  No longer seen as a "wholesome" image, sponsors may drop Woods like a hot brick.  He has become radioactive, a public relations nightmare.

The late night comedians are having a field day.

Letterman noted that Tiger Woods has been on the Wheaties Box (14 times, as a matter of fact) but Wheaties won't put him on it anymore.  Considering the stamina required to bang 12 women, Letterman quipped that now, more than ever, he deserves to be on the box.

Jay Leno quipped that, in order to save time, Tiger Woods should just release a list of the women he hasn't had sex with.

Gatorade has dropped Tiger's image from their Tiger Woods Focus bottles.

It has been reported that other sponsors are pulling their Tiger Woods endorsements from prime time TV.  This could cost Tiger Woods millions in lost ad revenues.  Can he ever recover?

I think the answer is no, he will never recover completely.  His self-inflicted plight reminds me of Paul Reubens, the actor who played the role of Pee Wee Herman.  Reubens's "Pee Wee Herman" role was very popular with children.  Reubens made two movies and had a successful television show for kids, called "Pee Wee's Playhouse."  When Reubens was arrested in a porn theater for "flogging the log," his public image was destroyed overnight.  He too faced widespread scorn, ridicule and late-night TV jokes.  He never recovered.

Reubens has been all but invisible since then.  He has made cameo appearances on some television shows and is trying to make a comback.  Alas, once one falls from public grace, his career is practically shot.  Fatty Arbuckle, the silent screen actor and comedian, is probably the most egregious example of this.  Falsely accused of rape and murder, he was acquitted by a jury and received a public apology, but his career was dead.

Tiger Woods, however, is neither Pee Wee Herman nor Fatty Arbuckle .  No doubt he will at least partially recover and continue to earn money from endorsements, perhaps at a reduced level.

Then there's the question of his marriage.  Will it survive the scandal?  Or will his wife move out and take the children and the bank account with her?  I hope not, but if Elin Nordegen can forgive Tiger for cheating and publicly humiliating her, she is more forgiving than I would be.

Personally, I hope Tiger can somehow turn it around.  I'm rooting for him.  If it were up to me, I'd give him a mulligan and let him replay the hole take the shot over.

Tiger Woods Wife Moves Out?

Radar Online is stating that Elin Nordegren, wife of Tiger Woods, has moved out of their Windermere home.

This is not surprising, following recent revelations of Tiger's multiple extra-marital affairs.

Read it here.

I like Tiger Woods.  I do hope he can save his marriage, grow up, keep it in his pants, and stay with his family.

Did Saturday Night Live Copy a Saber Point Sight Gag? You Be the Judge.

In my immediately prior post, I posted last night's Tiger Woods skit on Saturday Night Live.  The scene where Tiger has a golf club bent over his head looks very similar to my Photoshop sight gag of November 28.

Here are the two graphics for your comparison.  Refer to my immediate prior post for the SNL video.

My November 28 post can be viewed here.  Note, I am not upset if SNL did indeed copy my idea.  I would consider it the supreme compliment.

Tiger Woods Skit on Saturday Night Live (Video)

Hilarious!  But I must ask the question:  Did SNL use my sight gag for the final scene?  See my Photoshop of Tiger Woods with a golf club bent over his head here.  I created this graphic on November 28.  The SNL skit below was run on December 5.

Tiger Woods Admits "Transgressions"; Voice Mail (Audio)

Tiger Woods has released a public statement admitting to "transgressions" regarding his wife and family.

Websters defines "transgression" as "infringement or violation of a law, command or duty."  My definition is more to the point:  Tiger done his wife wrong.

Rachel Uchitel has denied any affair with Tiger Woods but other women are now claiming that they did have dalliances with the famed golfer.  Jaimee Grubbs, a 24 year old cocktail waitress is one, and she backs up her claim with text messages and voice mail from Tiger Woods.  The voice mail is embedded below, where he tells Grubbs to take her name off of her telephone so it won't appear on his and be detected by his wife.

Tiger Woods has a beautiful wife.  He is an immature fool in my book.

Photos of Rachel Uchitel, Mistress of Tiger Woods (?)

Fox News has a slideshow of this femme fatale:  "Who is Rachel Uchitel?"

EXCLUSIVE PHOTO! Tiger Woods at Emergency Room Entrance!

We were given this exclusive photo of Tiger Woods at the hospital emergency room entrance.  This was following a suspicious arrangement of a golf club over his cranium, courtesy of his wife, following revelations of Tiger's affair with another woman.

Reports from the scene say the 7 iron was successfully removed from Tiger's head.  He will recover.  However, he will have to replace that 7 iron, which appears beyond repair.

We are unable to vouch for the authenticity of this photograph.  Use at your own risk.

Tiger Woods: Cheating Ain't Worth It (Pictures of Wife and Girlfriend)

Early this morning Tiger Woods ran over a fire hydrant on his property in Florida and then crashed his Cadillac Escalade into a tree.

At first everyone was concerned that the popular golfer had an unfortunate accident.  Now, however, the talk is taking another direction:  that Woods crashed into a tree at 2 AM because his wife was chasing him with a golf club.

Medical experts are now measuring the badly bent shaft of the golf club found at the scene to see if it fits the silhouette of Tiger's head.  Ostensibly, Mrs. Tiger Woods used the club to break out the rear window of the Escalade to free Tiger after his accident.  However, there is now speculation that she broke out the rear window with the aim of making contact with Tiger's skull.

But why the lovers' spat?  Ask the National Enquirer, the dirty tabloid newspaper that runs stories about Elvis marrying Bigfoot in a UFO.  Sometimes, however, they do get the story right:  the Monica Lewinsky scandal was one of those times.  Now the Enquirer is reporting that Tiger Woods has been having an affair with a blonde socialite named Rachel Uchitel.  Uchitel is pretty, for sure, but Mrs. Woods ain't no slouch either.

The top pic is of Tiger Woods, his wife and baby. That's Rachel Uchitel in the bottom photo. I suppose that fame and fortune and a bevy of willing beauties would tempt most men, but it isn't worth it, Tiger.  Keep your lovely wife and family.  Stay away from temptresses like Rachel Uchitel.  Otherwise, your wife will divorce you and take your fortune with her.  As the old song goes,

I'd better keep her

It's so much cheaper

Than makin' whoopee.

Rod Stewart explains it all in the video embedded below.