Early this morning Tiger Woods ran over a fire hydrant on his property in Florida and then crashed his Cadillac Escalade into a tree.
At first everyone was concerned that the popular golfer had an unfortunate accident. Now, however, the talk is taking another direction: that Woods crashed into a tree at 2 AM because his wife was chasing him with a golf club.
Medical experts are now measuring the badly bent shaft of the golf club found at the scene to see if it fits the silhouette of Tiger's head. Ostensibly, Mrs. Tiger Woods used the club to break out the rear window of the Escalade to free Tiger after his accident. However, there is now speculation that she broke out the rear window with the aim of making contact with Tiger's skull.
But why the lovers' spat? Ask the National Enquirer, the dirty tabloid newspaper that runs stories about Elvis marrying Bigfoot in a UFO. Sometimes, however, they do get the story right: the Monica Lewinsky scandal was one of those times. Now the Enquirer is reporting that Tiger Woods has been having an affair with a blonde socialite named Rachel Uchitel. Uchitel is pretty, for sure, but Mrs. Woods ain't no slouch either.
The top pic is of Tiger Woods, his wife and baby. That's Rachel Uchitel in the bottom photo. I suppose that fame and fortune and a bevy of willing beauties would tempt most men, but it isn't worth it, Tiger. Keep your lovely wife and family. Stay away from temptresses like Rachel Uchitel. Otherwise, your wife will divorce you and take your fortune with her. As the old song goes,
I'd better keep her
It's so much cheaper
Than makin' whoopee.
Rod Stewart explains it all in the video embedded below.