The Pop Quiz of Life: More Ramblings from Stogie Jr.

My eldest son is a very good writer. Here is his latest piece.

THE TEST
by Stogie Jr.

Oh yes the test!

Do you remember walking into 8th grade history class, the bell would ring and the teacher would tell everyone to calm down, and then with a sh*t-eating grin she would say, "POP Quiz!" and you knew you're screwed because you stayed up late the night before watching Happy days, or Laverne and Shirley? If your parents were really cool you were up late watching Three's Company. ...that Janet...WOOOOWWW!!! Any Who that's another story. As the quiz was passed back, the smell of fresh ink, you started trying to remember what the hell the teacher was yakking about the last few days, because you can't remember what you had for breakfast, and you can't get that damn Montrose song out of your head.

Life throws tests at you all the time. I have seen it happen more and more as I grow older. God, Karma, they like to mess with ya. I was out riding my scoot two summers ago. I had just finished putting my Dyna back together and I was headed to Bellingham to see a buddy. I am headed past Lake Samish and there is this kid standing on the side of the road next to GSXR 750. He is on his cell phone and gesturing to the bike, as if the person on the other end of the phone could see him pointing at it. He was obviously a college kid from Western Washington University. Bellingham is a big college town in the Northwest. I was gonna pass him, but I said, what the hell. I pulled up next to his ride and he came running over to me. I said, "What happened?" He says, "It stopped running!" Well that's obvious. I looked down at the fuel petcock and it was on run. I reached down and turned it to reserve. "Crank IT!" I yelled at him. He hit the start button and after several seconds the bike kicked over. "You gotta keep gas in it Professor!" He gave me a big smile and I took off. I never even got off my scoot!

I had a test today that was more than some kid being stupid. It was a test of the heart. The kind of test that God throws at you that really makes you question what kind of man are you. I mean the type of test where you are on one side or the other. You must decide.

I was roaring up I-5 northbound today in a 1983 MINT Olds 98. It's a FREEGIN' Yacht, but it's a really cool Yacht. One of the last of the BIG American cars. I am following this new Audi A4. The Audi is a good football field in front of me when BOOM!! The Audi blows a rear tire. The car starts to go squirmy, and the rear of the car becomes engulfed in white smoke. The driver finally works it to the side of the road and parks it kitty corner on the tarmac and in the mud. I was right behind the Audi so I slowed down, so did everyone behind me. I rolled past the Audi and looked to see who was driving it. A very young woman who was obviously very frantic and scared.

I stepped on the gas and started to pick up speed leaving the Audi in my rear view mirror when all of a sudden it hits you. That sinking feeling in your gut. That little inner voice says. "HEY! ....Asshole...you aren't gonna stop and help that lady?" I was in a hurry. I was late for a computer job and I needed to roll. "Damn IT!" I pulled the car over to the side of the road and looked in my rear view mirror. The Audi was sitting half on the road and half off. It was in a bad spot. It was hard to see on a downgrade and sitting butt high. I was a good 250 yards in front of the Audi and the only way to get to her quick is to go in reverse. I slammed her in gear and stepped on it. I backed up to the nose of the Audi and killed my engine.

I sat and thought for a moment. I am rough looking guy. Most people can be put off by me until they meet me. I wanted to help this lady, not scare her. I opened the door and got out of the Olds. She looked at me through her windshield and she looked very apprehensive, speaking on her cell phone. She was a very pretty petite blond, and very fragile. I walked to the passenger side window and gave her a big toothless smile and said, "Pop your trunk!" After she popped the trunk I guided her back on the pavement and then started to pull her spare from storage space. I snapped all the lugs loose, shoved the jack under car, cranked it up, put the spare on, started my lugs, dropped the car and then torqued the lugs. I put the spare in the trunk and closed the lid. She stood behind me, thanking me the whole time.

There were two cute beagles in the back seat. They wanted to take a bite out of me. I told her to drive slow and to make sure she had the other tire repaired. I started to walk back to my car and she began to follow me. I turned to her and she had some money in her hand. She asked me to take it, and I said, "No charge..Just pass it on!" She looked at me with a puzzled look for just a moment, it taking a second to sink in what I was saying to her. She then gave me a big smile and said, "I will!" I got back in my car and waited for her to pull back into traffic, and then I sped off!