Professor Donald Douglas over at American Power has some interesting statistics that show Obama is in a very precarious position politically. (How's that for alliteration?) Polls are showing him only tied with McCain, or show McCain holding a statistically insignificant lead. In the past, however, the Democrat candidate was generally leading the Republican by double digits on the eve of the Democrat Convention. With any luck, the Dem convention will be a gala of gaffes, goof-ups and geeks. (More alliteration. I'm on a roll.)I am sitting here in the backyard, smoking a cigar and listening to the crickets in their grand closing ceremony for the day. They need to learn a new song, however. The one they're singing only has one note, A flat if I'm not mistaken. Chirrrup, Chirrrup, Chirrup. Too much alliteration if you ask me, but no one did. But let me return to my deep, philosophical ponderings.
What will the themes of the Dem Convention be? Lower fuel prices through alternative energy sources: wind power (plenty of that in Denver next week), cow flatulence, windmills mounted on car roofs. Giant hamsters are being bred to run on a wire wheel that attaches to the axels of cars. In Rock and Roll, they call this "playing an air guitar." The guitar doesn't really exist, but the air musician goes through all the motions anyhow. Utterly amazing, people polled in Colorado believe that Obama is more likely to solve the energy crisis than McCain. That's like picking me to win a gold medal in gymnastics at the London Olympics in four years. I'd look darling in tights on the balance beam, but they'd probably complain about me dropping cigar ashes on the mats. At least no one would challenge me for being too young. Stock tip: buy shares in Amalgamated Tire Pressure Gauges.
Then there's the theme of Peace Through Weakness. It's an old Dem core belief. During the Cold War, with the USSR pointing thousands of nuclear warheads in our direction, many Dems thought we should destroy all of our warheads, to give the Soviets a feeling of security so that they would then do the same. It was a concept called "unilateral nuclear disarmament." The famous peace sign is supposed to be the semaphoric representation of the letters N and D (for No Dems -- nah, actually, for "Nuclear Disarmament"). Semiphore refers to the signalling with flags that they do in the Navy. It's kind of like Morse Code, but represented visually. Stupidity has a long and colorful history.
Joe Biden-His-Time once proposed that we give 200 million dollars to Iran, no strings attached, to show them that we are kind, benevolent and not a threat. Great strategy. When they stopped laughing, the Mullahs could then forward the funds to the terrorist groups of their choice to buy more rockets to fire at Israel. Beautiful blondes could accomplish the same thing by walking through Central Park at midnight in a bikini with a neon sign strapped to their back that flashes "Rape Me!" Whenever Biden says something really dumb, he always follows it up with a big, toothy grin. Always smilin', that Joe.
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Taking the Dem logic a step further, the old peace symbol, which is 50 years old this year, could be replaced by a new one. I suggest a series of concentric multicolored circles (see image), to be worn on the backs of all Americans, or perhaps over the heart as a symbol of our sincerity. This new design is a lot prettier than the old semiphore design and essentially means the same thing.
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