Obama's Convention Speech Widely Panned; Campaigns Move to Next Phase, Debates and Political Ads

Obama's uninspired stump speech to the DNC is being widely panned today.

Joe Klein of Time says it was "a fine speech that didn't close the deal."  The Atlantic says the speech was an "anticlimax," and that "Barack Obama got up and just sort of didn't do anything special."

Peggy Noonan wrote:

Barack Obama is deeply overexposed and often boring. He never seems to be saying what he's thinking. His speech Thursday was weirdly anticlimactic. There's too much buildup, the crowd was tired, it all felt flat. He was somber, and his message was essentially banal: We've done better than you think. Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes? 

Noonan added:

It was stale and empty. He's out of juice.

Charles Krauthammer said the speech was "flat" and "empty":

I was stunned. This is a man who gave one of the great speeches of our time in 2004, and he gave one of the emptiest speeches I have ever heard on a national stage. Yes, it had cadence, and yes, there were deceptions in it, but that is not what is so striking about it. There was nothing in it. This is a man who believes that government can and should do a lot. There is nothing in here that tells us how he's going to go from today to tomorrow.

NBC's Chuck Todd described the speech as just going through the motions, i.e. uninspired.

 "I'm in the workmanlike camp ... it seemed at times they were methodically playing the notes instead of lyrically playing the notes."

Michael Tomasky, an ardent Obama supporter, wrote at the Daily Beast:

Let’s be blunt. Barack Obama gave a dull and pedestrian speech tonight, with nary an interesting thematic device, policy detail, or even one turn of phrase.

John Podhoretz of the New York Post described the speech as "O's Surprise Flop."

Back in 2008 I noted that the public was suffering from Bush and Clinton fatigue, and just wanted someone new.  They got the newness in Barack Obama.  Now four years later, the public has Obama fatigue.  He's an old story.  New promises don't make up for older, failed promises.  Barack Obama is no longer the magical light worker.  Now he is just another politician, and even Obama seems tired of Obama.   Not even he believes what he is saying up there behind the podium.

Now that the conventions have ended, the campaigns move to the next phase: televised debates, television ads and stump speeches. I expect Romney and Ryan will do very well in this phase. Unfortunately for me, I won't get to see a lot of Romney-Ryan television ads. I live in California, a deep blue state where common sense and economic reality are simply not tolerated. I doubt that Romney wants to waste much of his campaign funds here, and I don't blame him.

Joe Biden and Barack Obama's Speeches to the Convention

I listened to the speeches of both Biden and Obama tonight.  Biden was a blowhard, full of enthusiasm but offered nothing but generalities.  Joe Trippi said he thought the second half of Biden's speech was sheer demagoguery.  Obama then gave his speech and offered the same standard stump speech we are used to hearing from him.  I found it uninspired and unconvincing.

Obama set up various "straw men" arguments, by telling us what the evil Republicans want to do, when in fact they have no such goals.  If you can't refute what they said, refute what they didn't say.

Charles Krauthammer said Obama's speech was empty and flat, but other than that, he loved it.  I agree.  The speech was just a lot of promises about what he was going to do in his second four years (probably a lot of golfing back in Chicago, since he will have lots of time on his hands).

If this is the best the Democrats have to offer, I'm not too worried.

Michelle Obama's Speech Was Filled With Distortions and Misrepresentations

In her speech to the Democratic Convention this week, Michelle Obama described herself and her husband as Americans who believed in American values and the American dream, even though they came from a financially disadvantaged background.

Karen McQuillan, writing for the American Spectator, dissects her speech and highlights its many falsehoods and misrepresentations.  Read it here.

Some Counter Points to Bill Clinton's Convention Speech.

The transcript of Bill Clinton's convention speech is now published, and I respond to some of its major points.

We think "we're all in this together" is a better philosophy than "you're on your own."Clinton describes a false and simplistic alternative from which to choose. Clinton gives no specifics, so it is hard to respond to the charge, but it is safe to say that Republicans do not oppose social programs created and run by the individual states, as it is in their constitutional purview to do so. We do oppose the federal fovernment from exceeding its Constitutional authority, imposing its will on the states in such matters as medical care.

Who's right? Well since 1961, the Republicans have held the White House 28 years, the Democrats 24. In those 52 years, our economy produced 66 million private sector jobs. What's the jobs score? Republicans 24 million, Democrats 42 million!
It is a fallacy to say that jobs are created by the federal government.  The government can, however, enhance the conditions under which business can flourish, where jobs are created through increased prosperity.  If the above statistics are correct, how many of those 28 Republican years were presided over by a Democrat run congress?  How many of the 24 Democrat years had a Republican majority in Congress? Clinton doesn't say.  What other economic factors were in play during the 52 years, which are even more important than who was president.  The president's ability to effect prosperity is limited by the amount of congressional support that he enjoys.  Clinton's statistics (if true) prove little or nothing.

Though I often disagree with Republicans, I never learned to hate them the way the far right that now controls their party seems to hate President Obama and the Democrats. 

Clinton may accurately describe his own attitude, but not of Democrats in general.  During the Bush years (and even now), the Democrat rank and file expressed deep hatred for Republicans, expressing a desire for their assassination or death by other means.  Just this week various Democrats have compared Republicans to Nazis.  When it comes to partisan hatred, the Democrats exceed all comers.

One of the main reasons America should re-elect President Obama is that he is still committed to cooperation.

Not true.  In deliberating laws governing health care, Obama did not consider or allow a single Republican proposal on the problem.  He has sought to use administrative procedures to bypass the will of Congress.  Obama is the prisoner of a rigid leftist ideology that makes him uncooperative in discussing alternatives to his vision.

the Senate Republican leader, in a remarkable moment of candor, said two years before the election, their number one priority was not to put America back to work, but to put President Obama out of work.

Putting Obama out of work is synonymous with "putting Americans back to work."  A president who believes the American founding was badly flawed, believes in keeping energy costs as high as possible, and in crippling business with high taxes and regulation, is himself a major detriment to greater employment.

I like the argument for President Obama's re-election a lot better. He inherited a deeply damaged economy, put a floor under the crash, began the long hard road to recovery, and laid the foundation for a modern, more well-balanced economy that will produce millions of good new jobs, vibrant new businesses, and lots of new wealth for the innovators.

Obama contributed to damaging the economy by supporting the subprime mortgage fiasco that caused the meltdown in the first place.  He did not put a floor under the crash, and his incurring substantial new debt will inhibit, not advance, the recovery.  What foundation did Obama lay for a "modern, well-balanced economy"?  Clinton doesn't say, because his statement is nothing but a glittering generality, pie-in-the-sky, big promises like those Obama made when he ran for office in 2008 -- and subsequently failed to keep.

Now there are 250,000 more people working in the auto industry than the day the companies were restructured. Governor Romney opposed the plan to save GM and Chrysler. So here's another jobs score: Obama two hundred and fifty thousand, Romney, zero.

The auto industry has suffered severe economic disadvantage due to the high pay and benefits extorted by the Democrat-supported auto workers union.  GM finally became insolvent due to Democrat policies and the aftermath of the Democrat constructed meltdown.  Now that the federal government owns General Motors, how many of those new jobs are really government jobs in disguise, i.e. paid for by taxpayers?  Mitt Romney, on the other hand, created thousands of real jobs in the private sector through his activities in Bain Capital.  

President Obama's "all of the above" energy plan is helping too – the boom in oil and gas production combined with greater energy efficiency has driven oil imports to a near 20 year low and natural gas production to an all time high. Renewable energy production has also doubled.

Barack Obama has publicly stated that he favors an increase in gas prices, and his now abandoned plan to create a carbon swapping scheme would, by his own words, "cause energy prices to skyrocket."  He has opposed new oil exploration in ANWR, vetoed the Keystone pipeline that would have added thousands of real jobs to the economy and helped to lower energy costs.  If oil imports are at a 20 year low, no doubt the decreased economic activity is a factor in that.  When it comes to energy independence, the Democratic Party is a hindrance, not a help, in achieving that goal.

Both Governor Romney and Congressman Ryan attacked the President for allegedly robbing Medicare of 716 billion dollars. Here's what really happened. There were no cuts to benefits. None. What the President did was save money by cutting unwarranted subsidies to providers and insurance companies that weren't making people any healthier. He used the saving to close the donut hole in the Medicare drug program, and to add eight years to the life of the Medicare Trust Fund. It's now solvent until 2024. So President Obama and the Democrats didn't weaken Medicare, they strengthened it.

No cuts in benefits only means that the program will continue operating in the red, thus hastening the day when it becomes insolvent.  Obama took the 716 billion "savings" to fund Obamacare, not Medicare.  To say that this makes Medicare more solvent and stronger is a bald-faced lie.

Space and patience prohibits me from dissecting more of Clinton's long-winded speech, but it is safe to say that it was spin and propaganda, and not to be taken seriously as an objective description of the economy and the issues.

Slick Willy's Speech to the Democrat Convention

I listened to Bill Clinton's speech to the DNC, and it was very well delivered.  The man is a master speaker, whatever else you may say about him.  I have no doubt that his speech will fire up the base and return many disillusioned Democrats to the fold.  His speech will almost certainly give Obama some positive bounce in the polls.

Clinton was less than honest, but you have to expect that.  His assertion that Republicans "left Obama a huge mess, and now they want to fire him for not finishing the clean-up and put them back in" was very slick.  What he didn't say was that it was his administration that is most guilty for the melt-down, as it was his administration that began suing mortgage companies and banks to force them to make bad mortgage loans, leading to the bubble and the resulting crash.  Nor did he mention that Barack Obama contributed directly to the meltdown by suing Citibank in Chicago to force them to make bad loans to blacks in that city, the great majority of which have now gone bust.

His derisive comments about Romney not allowing "fact checkers" to influence his campaign was another slick piece of legerdemain.  The "fact-checkers" have been widely shown to be partisan propagandists whose "facts" are not facts at all, but merely partisan spin.

If Bill has relegated us to four more years of economic stagnation, it will be yet another accomplishment in his dubious resume.

We will need to analyze his speech in the week ahead and do a little fact-checking of our own.

Listening to the Losers at the Democratic National Convention

I'm listening to the various losers and unknowns give speeches at the DNC.  Lots of lies and distortions.  Still not feeling threatened by screeds.

Bill Clinton's planned speech text has been released, and he will say this:

"The most important question is, what kind of country do you want to live in? If you want a you're-on-your-own, winner-take-all society, you should support the Republican ticket. If you want a country of shared prosperity and shared responsibility -- a we're-all-in-this-together society -- you should vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden."

This statement is partially correct.  "You're on your own" really means "you get to keep what you earn and not be compelled to pay for other people's health care, living costs and birth control."  The term "winner-take-all" is complete B.S., and illustrates the Democrat's erroneous view that for every winner there must also be a loser.  But in our economic system, there can be many winners.  If someone gets rich through his own efforts, that does not stop someone else from doing the very same thing.  It is not a zero sum game; wealth does not magically appear like manna from heaven, it is produced by entrepreneurs.  Wealth only becomes scarce when government begins to seize it, because confiscation eliminates the motivation for producing it.

Do I want the kind of country where we are more free from governmental intrusion into the private sector?  Hell yes.

The second sentence is closer to the truth.  "Shared prosperity" means wealth redistribution, the theft of the pay from those who earn it to buy the votes of those who do not.  "We're all in this together," I suppose, means "we all share the wealth, even when we didn't produce any of it."  However, in a larger sense, we are indeed "all in this together."   When the economy is heavily damaged by social engineering schemes, like the subprime mortgage fiasco, we all suffer.  We must work to keep our freedoms, our opportunities and our prosperity.  Barack Obama's presidency has had a deleterious effect on all three.

Right now there is an older woman speaking about how we need to "share, share, share, that we are our brother's keeper, blah blah blah."  Translation:  shut the hell up Republicans and hand over your wallets.

Signs Point to a Coming Democrat Defeat in November

Four years ago I stated that my intuition is often accurate, and that it was telling me that Obama would win the 2008 presidential election.  It came to me in a flash and was very strong, as if an accomplished fact had been revealed to me.  On October 3rd, 2008, I wrote:

My intuition is often very accurate. This morning when I woke up, I had a strong feeling of certitude that we Republicans are going to lose this [2008] election and that Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States. It wasn’t a panicky feeling or a worried feeling or a feeling of fear, it was a calm realization, an inner knowing. It told me in a quiet but clear voice that the election is lost. The inner voice presented it to me as a done deal.

Today my intuition is not as clear as it was then, but it is somewhat positive and hopeful.  My feeling is that Obama will lose the 2012 election.

The signs are continuously pointing to an Obama defeat in November this year.  Stacy McCain and Alli Akbar are onsite at the DNC in Charlotte, and report that the crowds are smaller, the media filing center smaller, the vendors fewer, compared to the GOP Convention last week.  Obama has moved his great speech on Thursday from a huge stadium of 73,778 seats to an indoor auditorium of only 20,200 seats.  Ostensibly the reason is because of the fear of lightning, but weather reports show good weather for Thursday.  The obvious reason is because Obama simply cannot draw the same huge crowds that he drew in 2008.

Registered Republicans are at an all time high and seem very motivated to get out the vote.  Democrats, on the other hand, seem lackluster and unenthusiastic.

Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are raising much more money than Obama is, and Obama has resorted to various tricks to increase campaign contributions.  In 2008, the Obama campaign was afloat in cash; now he is asking for donations as low as $3, and for married couples to ask for donations for him rather than accept presents from those attending the weddings.  The lack of financial support from the left indicates dissatisfaction and disillusion with Barack Obama.

The polls show a dead heat, but I don't trust the polls.  They showed Bush behind right up to the election in 2004, where he won by a strong margin.  Also, now that Mitt's the official Republican candidate, he can begin spending his huge war chest on anti-Obama and pro-Romney political ads.

Then there is the Democrat Convention itself.  I watched it last night and found the arguments so weak that I didn't feel upset, challenged or fearful.  Mostly I just felt bored.  Even Michelle Obama's supposedly sizzling speech left me cold.  She loves her husband; he cares so much about everything and everybody; he's the new Gandhi.  Yawn.

Live Blogging Barack Obama's Big Night

Obama has emerged from his Greek Temple with the ornate columns and has walked to the end of a carpeted runway to the podium. After acknowledging the applause, he finally begins his speech. "With profound gratitude and deep humility" he accepts the nomination. Deep humility in a Greek Temple seems to be an oxymoron. Now he's thanking all his supporters: Hillary, Bill Clinton, Joe Biden, blah blah blah. Finally, he acknowledges "our next first lady, Michelle Obama." So far the speech is boring and predictable.

Now he's lambasting "the failed policies of George W. Bush," but as usual, does not say which policies are failures and why they are failures. He says that John McCain will be a third term for George W. Bush -- how unconvincing and unpersuasive. Is that all you got, Barry?

He argues, "John McCain has voted with George W. Bush 90% of the time." Dick Morris today told why this argument is bogus: about 90% of all Congressional votes are unanimous. So you could say that any Democrat also voted with George Bush "90% of the time."
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He says the promise of America is that "I am my brother's keeper!" Incredible.

Now he claims that he will CUT taxes on the middle class. But what about all those Bush tax cuts that he voted against making them permanent?
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He claims that he will end America's dependence on the Middle East for oil. Obama's solution for this "oil addiction" is fuel efficiency standards for cars (dictated by the Federal Government), "renewal energy" (what, like windmills and solar cells? Yeah, that'll work) and that he will build more nuclear power plants! That's a new one -- more nuclear power plants is a Republican position that has been steadfastly opposed by the party of Barack Obama. Who's kidding whom, Barry?
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On education, he "will recruit an army of new teachers." Since when has that been the duty of the Federal Government? It's a state prerogative.
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On the duties of the "next commander in chief," he says "that's a debate I am ready to have." Bring it on, Barry. I am looking forward to that.
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He says "we must take out Osama Bin Laden if we have him in our sights." But Bill Clinton had that very opportunity and did not take it. If you want Bin Laden "taken out," it won't be by a pacifistic, timid Democrat. As Obama once said, "Words, just words." Indeed.
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He will "restore our moral standing." Our moral standing is just fine, you idiot, except with those socialist, pacifist nations who believe we must never fight anyone, anywhere for any reason.
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He is now describing the brave military and how he will fund them and equip them and take care of them. That will be a new thing for the Democratic party, who is anti-military and defunds it at every turn. We are supposed to believe that Obama will be a Democrat hawk? Oh please.
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"This election has never been about me, it's about you!" Another boring cliche.

For his final words, he issues a barrage of glittering generalities, "We can't turn back, blah blah blah."

His speech is over, thank God. It was a plethora of boring, meaningless, cliched, hackneyed hollow promises. The Federal Government's mission is to provide your every need, ensure your success in life, right every wrong, tax the stuffings out of the "rich" (also known as entrepreneurs, investors and employers).

If we can't beat this empty suit, we are really pathetic.

Airhead Pelosi closes the meeting officially. What d'ya know, they actually have an American flag on the stage tonight.

Live Blogging the Dem Convention

Unfortunately, I didn't get home in time to watch Bill Clinton's address to the convention.

John Kerry is speaking now, unloading a massive bombast the DNC Convention. Kerry had the audacity to suggest that Obama's cut-and-run policy in Iraq is the same thing as Bush agreeing on a timetable for US withdrawal, now that the war is decisively won. Iraq is now ready to rule and police itself, so U.S. withdrawal makes sense.

Obama's position has always been immediate withdrawal whether the war was won or not, leaving the Iraqis to handle Al Quaeda all on its own, with the probable result of millions dead, and rule of Iraq by terrorists.

Kerry is such a complete and utter demagogue.

Now John Hutson, former Chief Advocate General of the Navy who says he used to be a Republican and who is now a Democrat. He is mouthing all of the same Democrat talking points, saying essentially nothing. He's a walking bumper sticker.

Now another Demo-bobblehead is repeating the same old crap. Persuasive? Hell no. With this weak pablum the Dems are not going to convince undecided voters. What a yawner.

Now the Dems are playing a film about the institution they hate the most, the American military, but the film is pretending that they actually love the military. What a crock.

Now Tom Hanks is speaking in the film, saying sentimental things about soldiers. He is talking about freedom and how it is protected by these "extraordinary Americans." The Dems are trying hard to establish their patriotism, but like so much of their platform, it is false. As a wag once said, "Sincerity is absolutely essential for one's success. If you can fake that, you've got it made." This is what we are seeing tonight.

Now Tammy Duckworth, a veteran, is mouthing the talking points about how Iraq has nothing to do with the war on terror, how we should be fighting Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan, "the people who attacked us on 9/11." What a dope. We have almost completely wiped out Al-Qaeda in Iraq, which means most of them. It is the Taliban we are fighting in Afghanistan.

The daily tracking poll still shows McCain leading Obama. No bounce for Obama is yet discernible from this convention, and it isn't difficult to see why.

Now Airhead Nancy Pelosi is speaking. It would be harder to imagine a bigger moonbat holding office, let alone being the Majority Speaker. She just asked for a vote to place Joe Biden in nomination as Vice President. The vote was yes. The suspense was really killing me, what a surprise: Biden accepts the nomination.

Biden's son is now telling how, following a car accident that injured the two sons and killed Biden's wife and daughter, Joe Biden stayed in the hospital instead of taking the oath of office for the Senate seat he had just won. The camera cuts to Michelle Obama wiping tears away with a handkerchief. Beau Biden's a handsome young man, probably the best speaker so far. He didn't have to fake his sincerity like the others.

Now Joe Biden steps to the lectern to speak. Biden praises his son and other kids, his wife Jill, and acknowledges Hillary in the audience. He then verbaizes his acceptance of the nomination. He praises Obama, then acknowledges his mother who is in the audience.

Now Biden describes how the middle class is miserable, living in dire straits with high gas prices (though the Dems oppose measures that would reduce those costs), implying that prosperity is provided by the Federal Government. No, Joe, it doesn't.

Now Biden is praising John McCain, saying what a good friend and great American he is, how courageous he is, etc. However, McCain opposes new taxes and has voted with Bush 95% of the time. Now he's lambasting the oil companies, saying McCain doesnt want to tax them more, but give them tax breaks. Ah Joe, if only you understood basic economics -- but if you did, you wouldn't be a Democrat. Obama will free us from the tyranny of foreign oil, but Joe doesn't say how. Obviously, not by drilling for new sources of oil.

Biden is giving a good speech, delivered well and with enthusiasm. His premises are false and his solutions for non-problems predictable. No doubt, though, he will win some voters with the speech, as he is the best speaker so far.

Now his wife Jill takes the microphone and announces "a very special surprise guest." Surprise, surprise, it's Barack Obama. Obama says he is so proud to have Joe Biden on the ticket, then says that "Hillary Clinton rocked the house last night." Rock? No, more like a polka in its excitement factor. Obama talks about tomorrow night in Mile High Stadium when they will "take America back." We'll see about that, Barry. Michelle is grinning with her hands clasped in front of her face. Music is playing. Biden is carrying his grandchild and waving to the crowd.

The day's activities draw to a close. For me, though, there is something missing from this convention. It is conviction, enthusiasm. The Dems seem to be going through the motions; they are not alight with passion for ther cause. Nothing tonight really made me feel fear for the outcome of this election, and nothing really offended me. Nothing in the messages delivered seemed a compelling reason to vote for the Democrats. Maybe that's why I feel no fear or threat from these people.

Now the benediction to close the meeting, by a lady from the Congregation of St. Joseph. It's over, thank God.

Hillary Clinton's Campaign Speech to the DNC

Hillary is giving her speech to the Dem Convention right now. She looks great, even pretty in an orange pastel pantsuit that contrasts nicely with the blue background. However, she seems to be giving another campaign speech for Hillary, not for Barack Obama. She's bragging about her campaign and all the people who supported her.

Her speech is all about how it is the duty of the Federal Government to provide free health care to all citizens - the same old socialist pap.

Now she's talking about the evil Oil Companies who must not be allowed "windfall profits" rather than finding new sources of energy.

She looks great, but she sounds like the same old leftist nonsense.

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Last night someone noticed, and the CNN reporters acknowledged, that the Democratic Convention stage is devoid of any American flags. That's appropriate for a political platform that is decidedly unamerican.

Watch Dem Convention Live on Your PC

CNN has a live stream online so you can watch the Dem Convention on your computer. It can be found at this link.

Michelle Obama gave the keynote address and gave an effective speech. She stuck to the topic of her family and didn't mention her husband's radical agenda.

I captured the pic at the right from the CNN broadcast. As you can see, it comes in very clear.

Now the Fun Begins: Dems Open Convention

Professor Donald Douglas over at American Power has some interesting statistics that show Obama is in a very precarious position politically. (How's that for alliteration?) Polls are showing him only tied with McCain, or show McCain holding a statistically insignificant lead. In the past, however, the Democrat candidate was generally leading the Republican by double digits on the eve of the Democrat Convention. With any luck, the Dem convention will be a gala of gaffes, goof-ups and geeks. (More alliteration. I'm on a roll.)

I am sitting here in the backyard, smoking a cigar and listening to the crickets in their grand closing ceremony for the day. They need to learn a new song, however. The one they're singing only has one note, A flat if I'm not mistaken. Chirrrup, Chirrrup, Chirrup. Too much alliteration if you ask me, but no one did. But let me return to my deep, philosophical ponderings.

What will the themes of the Dem Convention be? Lower fuel prices through alternative energy sources: wind power (plenty of that in Denver next week), cow flatulence, windmills mounted on car roofs. Giant hamsters are being bred to run on a wire wheel that attaches to the axels of cars. In Rock and Roll, they call this "playing an air guitar." The guitar doesn't really exist, but the air musician goes through all the motions anyhow. Utterly amazing, people polled in Colorado believe that Obama is more likely to solve the energy crisis than McCain. That's like picking me to win a gold medal in gymnastics at the London Olympics in four years. I'd look darling in tights on the balance beam, but they'd probably complain about me dropping cigar ashes on the mats. At least no one would challenge me for being too young. Stock tip: buy shares in Amalgamated Tire Pressure Gauges.

Then there's the theme of Peace Through Weakness. It's an old Dem core belief. During the Cold War, with the USSR pointing thousands of nuclear warheads in our direction, many Dems thought we should destroy all of our warheads, to give the Soviets a feeling of security so that they would then do the same. It was a concept called "unilateral nuclear disarmament." The famous peace sign is supposed to be the semaphoric representation of the letters N and D (for No Dems -- nah, actually, for "Nuclear Disarmament"). Semiphore refers to the signalling with flags that they do in the Navy. It's kind of like Morse Code, but represented visually. Stupidity has a long and colorful history.

Joe Biden-His-Time once proposed that we give 200 million dollars to Iran, no strings attached, to show them that we are kind, benevolent and not a threat. Great strategy. When they stopped laughing, the Mullahs could then forward the funds to the terrorist groups of their choice to buy more rockets to fire at Israel. Beautiful blondes could accomplish the same thing by walking through Central Park at midnight in a bikini with a neon sign strapped to their back that flashes "Rape Me!" Whenever Biden says something really dumb, he always follows it up with a big, toothy grin. Always smilin', that Joe.

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Taking the Dem logic a step further, the old peace symbol, which is 50 years old this year, could be replaced by a new one. I suggest a series of concentric multicolored circles (see image), to be worn on the backs of all Americans, or perhaps over the heart as a symbol of our sincerity. This new design is a lot prettier than the old semiphore design and essentially means the same thing.

Bring on the National Political Conventions!

The Democratic National Convention to nominate the socialist candidate for president begins in a week. Their convention will take place in Denver, Colorado on August 25 - 28. The Republican National Convention follows a week later, taking place in Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota, and will run from September 1 through September 4.

Both conventions will feature the Three H's: Hype, Hoopla and Hot Air. There will be lots of balloons, red, white and blue, lots of speakers and blah blah blah. At least, when all the confetti has been thrown and our tired ears finally given rest from glowing promises of peace and prosperity if you elect our candidate and the grim prognostications of doom and disaster if you elect theirs, we can finally get down to a real campaign.

Will the candidates resort to negative campaigning? God, I certainly hope so. A little mud wrestling might add some spice to this otherwise dull contest between Methusaleh on the one hand, and Baby-boy on the other. I'd like to know, for example, if McCain will actually fight for energy independence and self-sufficiency, which will be our greatest protection from getting sucked into foreign wars and funding fat Sultans in turbans with our billions in petro-dollars. Will he rid himself of the myth of man made global warming so it can happen? Will he continue to be "a maverick," which is code for "an idiot who can't make up his mind whether he's a liberal or a conservative?"

Four years ago, women at the Democrats' Convention wore t-shirts bragging "I Had an Abortion." Perhaps those women can up the ante this time and actually preserve their aborted fetuses, perhaps by a taxidermist, so they can fasten them to ribbons to wear around their necks like Olympic medals? When it's time for show-and-tell, why not show as well as tell? Let's go, Liberated Womyn, ABORTION PRIDE NOW!

Perhaps they can use the preserved fetuses like sock-puppets, making them talk in high voices, "Hello, I'm so glad my mommy aborted me! Now I won't be around to contribute to global warming and all the other issues that really matter! Vote for Obama if you agree!"

Perhaps the Dems can run ads of McCain in a Klan hood with a burning cross behind him. I can see the copy now: "McCain Thinks Obama is a [the N word]. Don't let this cracker burn his nasty crosses on the lawns of African-Americans NO MORE! Vote for Obama!"

McCain can retaliate by showing Obama taking flight like the Flying Nun as the wind catches those huge head-sails he calls ears. "Do we really want to elect a man who flies like a bird? It would be so embarrassing on windy days. Imagine Obama walking out on the tarmac to shake the hand of some world leader only to suddenly disappear in the sky. He would have to be tethered like a kite, thus adding to his image as 'a light-weight.' Keep things grounded, Vote for McCain!"

Well these suggestions might be a bit over the top, but we'll get there eventually. I mean, whoever thought that men would be marrying other men? What is shocking today is the standard tomorrow. Besides, don't you really find both candidates a bit BORING? Personally, I hope they liven things up by saying what they REALLY THINK of each other.

Yep, a good mud-wrestling match is what we need. One can only hope.