Approved (and Unapproved) Halloween Costumes for University of Colorado, Boulder

Approved Costume: A Rock

The University of Colorado, Boulder has informed its students not to wear offensive Halloween costumes this year.  That includes costumes of cowboys or Indians.  As we all know, the very first marching order of liberal culture and orthodoxy is that NO ONE shall ever be "offended" in any way, shape or form, by references to their ethnicity, profession, sexual preference, size, shape, religion, hair color, income level, or brand of toothpaste. Of course, the best way for the liberal intelligentsia to prevent such offenses is to have absolute power over your mind, thoughts and speech.  You will not think, act or speak without advance permission.  Make one mistake and you will  be publicly shamed, shunned, ostracized, and required to join the Tea Party.

The UC-Boulder Administration has not yet released an official list of Big Brother Approved costumes, so we are left to struggle with creating our own list.  An obvious choice:  go as a boulder, or big rock.  That will not offend anyone and ties in nicely with the name and location of the university.

Other inanimate objects are also a safe bet:  fire hydrants, telephone

Approved Costume:  A Tree

poles, lamp posts.  Of course, they are terribly boring, but no one will be offended.  Some living things are also allowed, as long as they are plants.  A tree is a great choice, and you will get many hugs from liberals.



AVOID THESE COSTUMES:

1.  A big black penis (yes, they do exist).  These tend to attract Kim Kardashian and may be offensive to blacks for some reason.
2.  Tinkerbelle.  Gays will definitely object.  Peter Pan isn't such a good idea either.  A fairy in green tights?  I don't think so.
3.  Ballerinas, Princesses, Angels -- These tend to imply that there is a difference between male and female genders, which good liberals know is just not true, and it is sexist to think so.  (Exception:  if you are a gay or transgender male you may go as these, but NOT if you are an actual female.)
4.  Pussies.  Please, we are all tired of Republican jokes and depictions.  Give it a rest.

Use your head out there.  The one on your shoulders.  For any questions, contact the Administration Office, University of Colorado at Boulder.