My Snooty New String Bass

Last week I bought a new upright bass. My first one, bought off of eBay, was just too cheap and poorly made. I wanted a “serious” bass; one that I could feel confident was good enough for playing in public. I wanted one that had been properly set up by a craftsman known as a luthier, so that I could press the strings down without screaming in pain.

Well I got one. I bought it from a classical bassist who plays with the Peninsula Symphony Orchestra and knows all about the string bass. He works with a luthier to set up wood instruments so that their playability and tone are optimized. When I picked up my new bass I was amazed at the rich tone and the easy string action. I was also awed by its appearance. It looked as high-brow and as snooty as the Maitre D at the Waldorf. Omigod, are my nails clean? Are my pants pressed? Should I be wearing a suit?

I took my bass home and set it up on a bass stand, so it’s always standing up in my upstairs office, ready to be picked up and plucked at a moment’s notice.

The bass is one sober-looking instrument. It’s the traditional matte brown and looks so serious sitting there in my room. I almost feel like I should be wearing a tux just to play it. It seems to look at me and say, "I expect Beethoven and Mozart so don't you even THINK about boogie-woogie." Yes, this is one serious bass! I played it yesterday until I got a blister on my index finger. I ordered some DVD's on string bass playing so I can be informed on tips and techniques.

Don’t tell my bass, but one of those DVD’s is by a guy named Lee Rocker. Ever heard of “The Stray Cats”?

UPDATE: I complained about my bass's snooty attitude to the guy who sold it to me. He said, "when your bass gives you any sass, grab it by the neck and slap it a few times."

If you're not a musician, you probably won't get that joke......