Friday, October 02, 2009

Are You a Neurotic Former or Current LGF Lizard? Help is Available.

Were you recently banned from Little Green Footballs?

Are you a former member of Little Green Footballs?  A Lizard without a home? Are you upset from being suddenly banned for some trivial reason by the Crazy Hippie running that site?

Seek psychiatric help now before you turn into a newly neurotic Toad.  Kissing CJ's butt won't alleviate your symptoms.  You need reality-shock therapy to rid yourself of an unhealthy attachment to Charles Johnson's ass.

Here's what you can do:  visit this blog often.  Read Pirate's Cove, The Other McCain, Blogmocracy, the Rude News and other sites.  They are your antidote and can be found in the left sidebar.

If you are still a member of Little Green Footballs, you may be experiencing these symptoms:
  • You have growing doubts as to Charles Johnson's wisdom and fairness
  • You are weary of ranting memorized slogans about phantom Nazis and White Supremacists
  • You are tired of seeing Charley impute dark motivations into every innocent phrase or comment by other pundits
  • You are alarmed at watching Charley delete your friends one by one and wonder when your time will come
  • You feel you must constantly brown-nose Charley to keep from being banned:  praise him, agree with him on anything and everything, vote up or down only as Charley might do, be careful not to link to banned websites or use language that Charley disapproves of (i.e. "feminazis")
  • You are beginning to feel like a spineless toadie and camp follower, with little integrity or independence of thought 
  • Secretly, you are ashamed of being such a kiss-ass and your rationalizations are wearing thin
If so, you are a victim of an online cult.  A cure is fast, easy and simple.  Create a post over at LGF saying that you have better things to do than hang around paranoid, aging hippies.  Ask that your account be deleted at once.  Charley will be only too happy to comply.  It gives him an orgasm to delete his members.  It's POWER!  What a rush.  It's the next best thing to being Stalin in the 1930's.

In other words, LEAVE LGF and never look back.  Do it right away!  Join the growing ranks of former lizards.  You'll be glad you did!

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