Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Aztecs Denied Permit for Human Sacrifice; Claim "Religious Discrimination"

Aztecs Protest Ban on Human Sacrifice;
Claim Religious Discrimination
The religious Aztecs of the United States were outraged today when denied a permit to make human sacrifices to their gods.  Without these sacrifices, Aztecs believe the sun will not move across the sky, there will be no rain and the crops will fail.  Aztec leaders charge "religious discrimination," and say that Aztec beliefs are perfectly compatible with the U.S. Constitution.

Many Americans are still upset over an Aztec massacre of civilians a few years ago.  Aztecs attacked 3,000 New Yorkers with poison darts, arrows and spears.  Now an Aztec leader wants to promote healing and interfaith understanding by building an Aztec temple on the site of the massacre.  Many  Americans object to the plan, saying it is insensitive to the victims of the Aztec attack.  Meanwhile,  Mayor Bloomberg has stated that it wasn't Aztec-ism that killed those people, but an Aztec chieftain named Al Kate-Uh.  Bloomberg further stated that if the Aztec temple wasn't built as planned, then the Aztecs have won.  It was at this point that a nurse intervened with the Mayor's daily Thorazine pill.

Congressional leaders are concerned about the growing public hostility to Aztecs and fear a backlash.  Militant Aztecs are now stocking poison darts in their religious temples in an effort to protect themselves.  Meanwhile, the White House is urging that non-Aztecs refrain from breaking Aztec stone idols to express opposition to Aztec-ism, as this is considered grievously sacriligious to Aztec believers.  Aztec pickets marched in New York last week with signs that read "Break an Idol, Burn in Hell" and "Aztec-ism Will Rule the World."

College kids marched in unison with the Aztecs, wearing Aztec feathers and bone necklaces, which are all the rage these days.

Aztec lawyers have filed a brief with the Supreme Court, claiming the right to human sacrifice is guaranteed by the First Amendment, which protects free religious expression.  Lawyers for the Cannibalistic Head Hunters Society have filed an amicus curiae brief, supporting the Aztec position.

Meanwhile, those opposing Aztec-ism were quickly labeled bigots by the Friends of American Suicide Society.

More as the story develops.

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